Sound Advice

If I had lots of money here’s what I would do.

If I had a voice like Pavarotti, here’s what I would do.

If I had as much time on my hands like she does, here’s what I would do.

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We are good at dishing out advice. Especially when it’s hypothetical. Or when it’s advice for someone else.  But are we qualified to advise others? 

I’m not wondering whether I am qualified to offer legal advice. I have not passed the bar, so I am clearly not fit to advance legal guidance.  And my title does not end with MD, so I can’t prescribe drugs either.

But am I qualified to offer my own opinion about what car my neighbor should buy, which school my sister should send her children to, how my friend should run his business and what diet my cousin should adhere to?

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In this week’s parsha Behar we are admonished, “And you shall not wrong, one man his fellow Jew, and you shall fear your G-d, for I am the L-rd, your G-d.”

Now, if I ever met a verse that appears subject to interpretation, here it is. Wronging someone else is highly subjective.  I might offer someone ice cream as a huge favor – but my mother might consider that harmful, not helpful. What does it mean not to wrong another person?

Our tradition teaches that this applies specifically to ona’at devarim, verbal wronging.  It’s not lashon harah or slander, but it is harmful.  We are prohibited from reminding someone of an undesirable past and advising someone in a harmful fashion.  If I suggest something that is not sincerely believed to be in this person’s best interest – I have violated this sacred principle.

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In simple terms I need to ask myself two questions before offering up a recommendation:

1)      Am I capable of offering sound advice on this topic?

2)      Do I sincerely believe this to be the best advice for this person?

If either answer is negative, best to keep quiet.

Perhaps a third question should be posed as well:  Am I ready to act upon this advice myself?

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Yes, I’ve got lots of ideas and opinions. But I had better leave them to myself if I’m not certain they will help someone else.

Testing my advice in the real world is great – so long as no one else is the guinea pig.