Imagine you were born in a different era, on a different continent. You’d likely be wearing some other clothing, speaking another language, eating other foods and enjoying other hobbies. You’d still be you, but your experiences would be different.
Would you still love yourself?
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In this week’s parsha Kedoshim we come across the famous words of the Torah, “You shall love your fellow as yourself.” Many commentaries debate whether it is indeed possible to love someone as much as you love yourself. (For a deeper understanding of this mandate, see Tanya Chapter 32.)
However, the Torah is also instructing us to love our fellow in the same manner we love ourselves. In other words the Torah wants us to love our fellow how we love ourselves.
When we meet someone new, we must get to know them. It takes time to peel off the layers of their appearance, age, clothing, demeanor, position and interests. Eventually, we hope to arrive at their character. By traveling through these external gateways, we attempt to penetrate the internal essence of who they are. It is with this essence that real relationships occur.
Unfortunately, we often don’t make it to the essence. Instead we develop a relationship with a shared interest, an inviting appearance or a fabulous performer.
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When dealing with ourselves we work from the exact opposite direction. We begin with our naked identity. The classless and visibly undefined essence of who we are. It is self-evident to me that I am not truly labelled by the clothing I wear or the job that currently employs me. That’s why I would almost effortlessly love myself all over again if I resurfaced in a different period and culture – so long as I know it’s me.
The Torah wants us to start loving others the way we love ourselves. We ought to look beneath the external values and search for the essence. The clothing might not appeal to me, but inside is a soul woven of the same fabric as mine. The vocation may not line up with my social circle, but inside is a soul that shares my own background. The language may ring foreign, but inside is a soul that speaks my lingo.
If we shift gears and begin viewing others with the tools that we view ourselves, we will discover that we are not loving some stranger, but a very part of me (not metaphorically, but actually). And then, we just might begin to love others as much as we love ourselves.
Bayard Anderson wrote...