My daughters look forward to Friday. Truth be told, it’s a day with lots of work for them. Since it’s Erev Shabbos there’s a plethora of chores to get done. Cooking, cleaning, setting the table, baths and fresh clothes – Erev Shabbos is a busy day for everyone in our household.
Yet Mushka and Chavie are excited because they will usher in the Shabbat with the lighting of the candles. They can’t wait until their little sister Shaina grows up a bit and joins them! Starting at three years old, they each light their own candle.
We once had a guest that frowned at this tradition. “How can you let a three-year old kindle a fire?” she exclaimed. “Aren’t you teaching her bad habits?”
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In this week’s parsha Chayei Sarah we learn of Yitzchak’s marriage to Rivka, which – according to Rashi – occurred at three years old (see below for a fascinating explanation).
The Torah tells that when Yitzchak brought her into the tent, he was finally comforted from the loss of his mother, Sarah. According to the Midrash one of the reasons for Yitzchak’s consolation was that certain miracles returned when Rivka arrived. For example when Sarah was alive, the Shabbat candles used to burn from the evening of Shabbat until the evening of the following Shabbat; when she died, this phenomenon ceased; but when Rivka came, it returned.
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The tradition of children observing this mitzvah has its roots in the Torah. But, more importantly, it is critical in the spiritual advancement of young girls. Jewish law teaches that the reason children observe commandments before the ages of Bar and Bat Mitzvah is for educational purposes. Certainly, educating girls in the spirit of Shabbat and the warmth and light of the Shabbat candles – in a safe manner – will only have positive consequences.
Jewish girls welcoming the Shabbat with candles will brighten the world with peace and holiness.
Excluding our children from Jewish traditions until they are “old enough to choose on their own,” is not only denying them an education and critical soul-nutrition. It’s simply playing with fire.
One remarkable detail of the story of Yitzchak and Rivka’s shidduch is that Avraham’s servant Eliezer traveled miraculously fast to reach Rivka’s hometown, Charan. Why did G-d perform this extra miracle?
One of the deeper reason why God chose to override the laws of nature in this case is as follows (taken from the teachings of the Lubavitcher Rebbe, as presented in the Kehot Chumash):
A nutshell is not edible, but it performs the valuable service of protecting the edible nut while the latter ripens. Nonetheless, once the nut is ripe, it is pointless to allow the shell to continue to protect it, for this would ultimately cause the nut to rot, negating the shell's very purpose.
Similarly, evil sometimes serves a limited purpose in helping something or someone mature. For example, self-centeredness is necessary during childhood so that children can focus on their own healthy development. Once they mature, however, children must be taught to shed their no-longer necessary self-centeredness in favor of a more mature, selfless attitude toward others.
In this context, the Sages liken Rivka to a rose amongst thorns. Thorns must be allowed to protect the rose from being picked while it is growing, but once it is ripe for picking, they cannot be allowed to continue to guard and protect it.
Thus, until Rivka turned three and became of marriageable age, Abraham had no justification to extricate her from her evil family or environment, or even to initiate such a process. But once that time came, it would have been harmful to leave Rivka there for even one additional day.
Eliezer's journey, therefore, had to be miraculously quick, for, on the one hand, he could not have left a day earlier, and on the other hand, he could not have arrived even a day later. God therefore miraculously expedited his journey so that Rivka would not have to be left there for even one unnecessary day.
The "thorns" among whom Rivka lived knew that they received their Divine sustenance in her merit, just as thorns are sustained by virtue of the protection they give to the rose plant. They would therefore have balked at any attempt to remove her from their protection. Only if they could be convinced that it was God's uncontestable will that she leave would they acquiesce. Eliezer therefore proved to them that God had not only caused his mission to be successful, but that its expedience was important enough to suspend the laws of nature.
Thus, Rivka was ‘rescued’ at the first possible moment, as soon as she turned three. Nonetheless, Yitzchak and Rivka did not pray for children until twenty years had passed – the more appropriate time for marriage and childbearing.