Thanksgiving is designed to be a holiday of gratitude. Its roots stem from thanking Almighty G-d for the successful harvest. From the Pilgrims to Presidents Washington and Lincoln, its precise implementation shifted, but its goal was always a time to thank and praise the Almighty, while praying for the future.
Turkey and pumpkin pie remain staples at Americans’ Thanksgiving dinners. But, along with that have come the trappings of our modern society. To many, Thanksgiving is a great time for a vacation. Or for binge football watching. Or for family get-togethers. And, of course, it’s the start of the shopping craze in America.
All lovely things for those who can enjoy them. But, to many who have less, it might instead be a time of envy.
Envy that I don’t have a beautiful family to sit with at dinner.
Envy that I have less to be grateful for than my neighbor or cousin.
Envy that I cannot afford all the items for sale, even with the steep discounts.
Envy that my marriage is not as solid as my coworker’s.
Envy that my health is failing (despite my strict diet and rigid exercise), while my friend is fit as can be (despite eating fast foods daily).
Frankly, everyone is envious of someone else. The poor are envious of the luxury and status of the rich. And, the rich are envious of the simplicity and healthy relationships of the poor.
How do we internalize the attitude of gratitude in a society bent on success and envy?
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In this week’s parsha Vayetze, the Torah tells us about envy. Yaakov wants to marry Rachel, but – thanks to his uncle’s deception – marries both Leah and Rachel. Leah has a bunch of children, but Rachel is childless.
The Torah states: “Rachel saw that she had not borne any children to Jacob and Rachel was jealous of her sister.”
We can assume that her dismay at not having children is based on rivalry with her children, already a mother several times over. But, reading the following verses it becomes clear that Rachel was not upset with Leah. She directed her efforts to Yaakov, not her sister.
So, why does the Torah state that she was jealous? And, why doesn’t Yaakov chastise her for being jealous? Furthermore, why does the Torah share this story with us?
The Midrash teaches that the Torah highlights this jealousy because it was a good jealousy. She was jealous of her sister’s good deeds. She said, “If she were not more righteous than I, she would not have merited to bear children.” Instead of just looking at the surface, Rachel chose to look inward.
According to the Chassidic philosophy, envy exists for a good purpose. Sadly, it is typically used for negativity. But, every negative trait has a positive counterpart. Our objective must be to utilize the power of envy for goodness and holiness.
An insight by the Previous Lubavitcher Rebbe helps us learn how. The Rebbe writes, “In material matters one should always look at he whose situation is lower than one's own, and thank the good G‑d for His kindness to him.
In spiritual matters one should always look at he who is higher than oneself, and plead with G‑d to grant him the intelligence to learn from the other, and the ability and strength to rise higher.”
So, in case we are feeling envy at this time of year – or anytime – let’s channel it toward the right place. We can certainly find someone from whom to learn a good character trait or life lesson.
And, let’s be grateful – now and always – for the material blessings we each have. They are far more than many people had for generations.
But, at this time of gratitude, let’s also remember the other side of the coin.
The Previous Rebbe also taught that, “In material matters, one who is "satisfied with his lot" is an individual of the highest quality... In spiritual matters, however, to be satisfied with one's lot is the worst deficiency, and leads, G‑d forbid, to descent and falling.”
Let’s be thankful and let’s be envious.