Favoritism?

As we move on from Chanukah, I’m reminded of the annual discussion about gifts. Aside from the debate on how many gifts to give our children, where does this tradition stem from, and gifts vs. gelt – there is another dilemma to deal with. That is the challenge of giving presents to all of our children without causing too much sibling rivalry or jealousy. Lately, we’ve been trying to focus more on shared gifts to eliminate such concerns.

Perhaps we can take a cue from this week’s Parsha of Vayechi, in which Jacob blesses Joseph’s two sons Menashe and Ephraim.  Jacob gives a greater blessing to Ephraim, the younger son.  Over Joseph’s protests, Jacob switches his hands in order to place his right (stronger) hand on Ephraim’s head.

Joseph was concerned that Jacob may have been confused about the seniority, so he explained that Menashe was the firstborn. Jacob insisted that he was aware of that, but wished to bless Ephraim with a greater blessing.

Jacob saw no harm in elevating the junior Ephraim over Menashe.  But to Joseph it was a horror.

Perhaps Joseph’s perspective was influenced by his own life story. He was sold into slavery by his own brothers on account of his father’s favoritism shown to him.  Had his father not singled him out, he never would have suffered at the hands of his jealous siblings.  Jacob, on the other hand, was not aware of the suffering of Joseph. He simply saw the results – his son was viceroy of Egypt!

Joseph remained sensitive to favoring a younger son over the older. But Jacob recognized that each child is a unique individual, deserving specific attention.

In life, we sometimes need to wear the “Joseph” hat and at times the “Jacob” hat.  Discerning the correct balance, is the gift -- and challenge -- of parenting.